Saturday, October 29, 2011

My Ex Got Married

What a crazy couple of years it's been. Sometimes I feel a bit sad and guilty that my boys have had to go through so many changes so quickly: breakup of their nuclear family, addition of a step dad, two moves: once to my single-mama duplex and then to our current suburban home, their father's girlfriend moving in, the addition of a new brother and now their father remarrying.


I'm hoping things will settle down for a bit now. I found out yesterday about the marriage and I was surprised to hear the news, although not unpleasantly so.

I am happy for him, for them. I was miserable in our marriage and could spend the rest of my life feeling angry and victimized about the things I feel he did to me during our almost-8 years together. OR I could let it go and wish the father of my twin boys the best. His health and happiness affects them and I want nothing but good things for them.

*I* am the happiest I have ever been-- After I finally left S I met the love of my life and have a baby with him. C finally achieved a very big professional goal recently and is building a solid career for himself. I have spent years building my career too and really like what I do and will go back to it after my maternity leave. I love the home we have spent the past couple of years building together and am looking forward to our future.

So why can't we all be happy? Why can't we work together to raise two amazing little boys? I know Miss C loves the boys. I could spend my time feeling possessive of them or I could be grateful that she is kind to them. I don't agree with a lot of S's ideas and lifestyle choices BUT I don't have to be a part of them. I don't have to live with him or share a life with him so who cares? As long as he takes care of our boys when they are with him, his life is his own and clearly he has found a person who he is happy with who is happy to share it with him.

So--to them I say congratulations. I am genuinely happy for you.

It feels good to finally let go of the past and move on from all the hurt feelings and bitterness I've felt towards him for years. He will always be in my life because of our children and it feels good to finally be to the point where I can just be his co-parent and not his enemy.

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