Sad

I am feeling almost unbearably sad right now. I keep looking for the reason: stress, hormones, this nagging cough that won't go away...but I guess the real reason is the fact that Friday is the 14th anniversary of my dad's death. And it just doesn't get any easier. I would almost say that it's getting worse because there are just more and more things that are happening that he won't get to be a part of.

My brother, Bubba is getting married in less than two weeks. My mom, youngest brother and his girlfriend are driving out to be here for it. My oldest brother is performing the ceremony. It's the first time in 9 years all four of us have been together. (since my oldest brother's wedding)

My family is very important to me, but I don't see any of them often enough. Only when our lives are brought together by joyous events (rare) or tragedies (most often)

I keep feeling like if I can find a solid reason for my sadness then I can just turn it off and move forward, away from it. But part of me thinks I just just sink down into it for a bit. I don't know why I am always trying to always be so in control of my emotions all the time. Maybe because I have kids and I think that I have to hold it all together for them...